Catching my breath...

Oh what a whirlwind my life has been the past few months. I seriously do not know how I managed to do it all without landing myself in the hospital. I guess it's because I am slowly learning how to manage my time and just concentrate on what needs to be done next. If I think too much about ALL of the things, then I just get overwhelmed, crawl into bed, put the covers over my head and fall asleep in the fetal position. It's not a very good coping strategy.

I really don't like writing "catch up" posts, but I feel like if I don't do it I will forget the fun times. So here goes:

I'll start with Alex's birthday. He turned 18 and I have to admit I felt a little sad. Life just goes by too fast. Soon he will be off on his own, doing his own thing and I will no longer play a leading role in his life. Ah well....I am excited for him too, though. That kid has a lot going for him; talent, intelligence, humor and not to mention my devastatingly good looks. :)

I love this picture. I can't tell who is more excited about the cake--Alex or Abby?

I can't let October go by without a shout out to one of my favorite holidays. Halloween! This marked the first year in which Abby wanted to be something other than a princess (or a variation of one.) Yay! She picked something scary. Doesn't she look terrifying? Ha!

I think this might be the last year that I get Seth to dress up. Of course he chose David Tennant's Dr. Who, complete with his sonic screwdriver.

Abby turned 7 this year! I swear the time has just flown by. Here she is blowing out her candles and losing her first tooth all on the same day.

This is self-explanatory. I went to school. Got good grades. Decided not to go back. The end. Well...not really "the end" because I plan on writing about the details of that later, but this is just to prove to myself that this actually happened.

Random Mommy and Me pic

Our New Year Celebration at Uncle Fraig's.

This doesn't even come close to being all the things I want to talk about, but it has literally taken every ounce of my energy just to write this post. Ahhhhh! More on that later too. Stay tuned! Part 2 is up next!

Putting on my big-girl pants

It's interesting how historic milestones in my life often sneak up on me quickly and quietly. I'm so busy speeding through my days that by the time I look around and see what's outside my window, I nearly speed right pass the scenery without having a moment to apply my brakes and enjoy the view. Or better yet, pull over and take a few pictures.

Tomorrow is one of those days, for it is my eldest's 18th birthday.

I can't believe it. I knew it was coming; this moment when I would be the mother of an adult. I have thought about it from time to time over the past two decades, but it always seemed to feel so far away. Now it's here and I am left feeling a little bewildered. Shouldn't I be getting an award of some sort?

"Congratulations, you kept him alive."

I guess that's something. In fact, that's downright unbelievable considering what I know now about that brand new, 21 year-old Mom I was back in 1996. Thank heaven for that user manual I got when he was born. Oh? You didn't get one? I still have my copy. It's called "Go Ask Your Parents". It's well-used and will hopefully remain in circulation for a long time to come because I still don't have the directions straight.

Is this milestone the one that marks the place in time when I finally start acting and feeling like a grown-up? No kidding around this time. It's the real deal. Tomorrow I will feel like a genuine adult, not just a kid who is pretending to be an adult. No more training pants for me. I successfully bred and raised a human. Bring on the wisdom. And give it to me quickly, please, because I still have three more to go.

Communing with nature

Well, we are back from our adventurous camping trip where many memories were made, some good, some bad, some downright ridiculous.

We went up to Moosehorn Lake this year and it was absolutely beautiful! The campground isn't as nice as we are used to, but the view of the lake with the mountain in the background made up for it.

When we got up to the campground around 11:00, we found a perfect spot just 50 yards from the lake and set up camp. We were so excited! We ate lunch, visited the lake a few times, played a couple of games and then 2 hours later the camp host came around to tell us that someone else had come up early in the morning and paid for the spot, so we had to move. We didn't think that was really the way it was supposed to work, since it was a first-come, first-serve site and they weren't even occupying it, but apparently the first one with the money always wins. They didn't even leave a tent or a chair or a dang roasting stick to show that someone was staying there! We were more than a little upset about the situation because in the mean time, the campground had filled up since it was now late in the afternoon on a Friday. Luckily, a family staying across from us had reserved 3 spots, but had decided not to use one and offered to give it to us and we could just pay them for it, they wouldn't lose their money, we would still have a place to camp and all would be well. The camp host didn't like that, of course, because she wanted us to pay her for the site and let the other people forfeit their money because they weren't occupying the space. So essentially she would get paid twice, but Shawn basically told her where to go and we paid the nice family instead.

Anyway....once we broke down camp and set it all up again, we had a GREAT time!!! I really love the mountains and it was so neat to be up there with our family. We laughed a lot and I was so grateful to have the opportunity for us to be together without any distractions. As my family has grown up, I have noticed that those times you have with just your little family grow fewer and farther between. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I got a piece of it back again. Even with the campsite fiasco, this was such a fun trip. Here's a few highlights. I am bad at remembering to take pictures, so there are literally only a few:

Seth and Abbers exploring Moosehorn lake. These pictures really don't do justice to how pretty it was.

Chillin' with a game of Okinawa Gin

Doing some more chillin' by the fire

Hiking time! On our way down the trail to Fehr and Shepard Lakes. 

Our first stop: Fehr Lake. Not as pretty as Moosehorn, but still nice.

Abby making sure we are going the right way.

Fehr Lake

Nate contemplating nature as we took a little rest.

I need to interject here to talk a little about this hike. First of all, Shawn couldn't go with us because he had tweaked his back the day before and was walking like he had a bent hanger up his wazoo. So I decided to take the kids alone. I can do that, right? I am a Camper with a capital C! I can hike the heck out of these mountains! So anyway, when we were at home before we left for the trip I went online to look up hikes in the area and this one was described as "family friendly" and something that would be good for children. The hike included three lakes: Fehr, Shepard and Hoover and was about 3 miles round trip. We figured we could easily go to Shepard lake and back with no problem since that would only be two miles and it's going to be so family friendly, right? We got to Fehr Lake with no problem. It was only half a mile in and was more like a casual stroll. No big deal. That was probably the part they meant when they said "family friendly." Then we started the next half mile to Shepard lake. As we descended further and further into the valley, I was starting to get a little worried about the way back. So I'm having this conversation with myself that went something like this:

"Hmmm...this is going to be rough going for Abby, oh who am I kidding, for ME, on the way back up the trail. Plus that sky is getting awfully dark. Was that thunder I just heard? Wow, these rocks are getting bigger. But it's only half a mile, right? I mean, that's only two times around a track. We can SO do this. Yup, that was a definitely a rain drop I just felt. But it's all good; it's just water. So we get a little wet. I mean, so what? Ok, I am looking down the trail and all I see is that we are heading vertically down into a sea of pine trees. But I'm just being a wimp. This is family friendly. Family...huff...huff....friendly."

30 minutes later:

"Ok, I'm getting worried because it's raining and thundering a little, the rocks are slippery, but I'm playin' it cool. Don't want the kids to freak out because I'm freaking out. It's all good. We're almost there. Should we just turn around? No, we aren't turning around. It's only half a mile for cryin' out loud! But I'm starting to think about all of those articles I've been reading about hikers getting lost in the woods. Man, now I'm just psyching myself out. The trail is my friend. The internet said so. It must be true."

15 minutes after that:

"OH MY GOSH! WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GET THERE!"

And then like a miracle from heaven, I could see the tiniest bit of lake peeking through the pine trees. It took us close to an hour to navigate that last half a mile of friendly trail. When we reached Shepard Lake, the sky was about to dump on us for real, so we paused just long enough to take this picture to prove we actually made it.

Shepard Lake. Not sure if it was pretty or not, because we literally made a run for it after this photo was taken.

So back up the trail we went. Much harder that way (at least for me; my boys would have been running if it weren't for us sissy girls). But especially harder because it was raining and the rocks were slippery and I was holding the hand of a precious little six year old who is most definitely not used to walking very far. So it took us well over an hour to hike the one mile back to the trail head. However, in Abby's defense, she did VERY well. There was minimal complaining, other than the occasional "Can we go back to our trailer now?" and one time when she said she just wanted to go home. I, on the other hand, have no defense. I am just an out-of-shape, 40 year old, paranoid mother who should not be allowed to take her children hiking.

Needless to say, I was a little bit relieved to return to the campsite, but also proud that I only freaked out on the inside. But we really did have a good time and it was a very pretty hike. It would have been a piece of cake if we would not have taken Abby with us. She slowed us down a bit, wanting to hold someone's hand the whole time and being a little afraid to jump down the big rocks. Plus the rain didn't make it any easier, but if I ever go on the same hike again, I will probably come prepared with a husband, a rain coat and a possibly a Xanax.

That night was awesome. After the clouds cleared, the stars came out and took our breath away like they always do. We played cards, we ate junk food, we lounged around in our awesome new tent trailer, and basically had a great time spending some much needed time together away from the stress of life.

Now it's back to reality, baby. (Like school that starts in 28 days! Eeek!)

Random acts of photography

This is going to be one of those posts where I put up random pictures from the last six months in a feeble attempt to update my life in blog form. So....try to keep up.

These are my amazing parents!


They just left to go on a mission to San Jose and I had a severe case of separation anxiety that really surprised me. I was really excited for them and (mostly) ok about it until the night they were set apart as missionaries. Then I sorta lost it, had a meltdown and realized how much I am going to miss them and how much I rely on them. I'm feeling a little wimpy. I am not very good at saying goodbye, even if it's more like a see ya later type of deal. But they are going to be great missionaries and are already doing so many good things.

This is Abby giving her very first report in school. Each child had to choose an animal to research for the science fair and Abby chose dolphins. She did the whole thing by herself, including the picture and writing all the facts down on the paper. I was so proud of her!

Seth did a really cool science experiment with color and heat. He set up different jars of water at room temperature, covered them with different colors of paper, exposed them to a heat lamp for a while and then measured the temperatures. It was surprising how well it worked and guess what? He won first place! What a smarty pants.

You probably had a hard time recognizing him with his blond hair and goofy glasses, but this is Nate. He just turned 15 last month. I truly cannot believe how fast my kids are growing up. Next month he will apply for his drivers learning permit, which means my anxiety will skyrocket once again, along with my insurance policy, and I will probably need to actually do those deep breathing exercises that therapists are always talking about.

He was on the high school swim team this year and really loved it. It wasn't always easy for him; he had to work hard, but I think he learned some very valuable lessons along the way. Including how to say no to the speedo. (That's him on block 5 getting ready to swim the 100 freestyle.)

Alex was asked to go to the Sweetheart's Ball by his good friend Andra. He doesn't date a whole lot, so I was super excited that he got to go. Don't they look adorable?

This is Alex performing in one of his bands called The Soul Research Foundation. (He's the trombone on the right.) They had a huge event called the Peaks Jazz Festival in February where every band from the Caleb Chapman program performed a set. It was a blast! I absolutely love seeing this kid perform.

And just when you thought this post couldn't get any more random, I present to you what I call:

The Most Amazing Valentine's Day Box EVER.

AND...

Okie the turtle!

We turtle-sat him for a few days and I have to say that he is pretty freakin' adorable. I might even consider getting one for my kids if it wasn't for the fact that they live to be 50 years old and grow to the size of a small planet.

Have a great day!

~Meg

From Soccer Mom to Stalker Mom

I loved it when my boys were all babies.  I was their whole world and I held that world in the palm of my little hand. I fed them, I bathed them, I colored with them. I played Pokemon, Legos and Thomas the Train. I drove them to play dates, to the zoo, to Grandma's house and watched them swat mosquitoes on the little league outfield and get kicked in the shins playing soccer. I was a good little soccer mom, too. I always brought the best treats...none of this "carrot stick and string cheese" business. It was all sugar, all the time! Yeah!

And then they became teenagers.

Not only did their world get considerably bigger, I became a little teeny tiny dot on the map. Now my days are filled with anxiety and questions. "Why isn't he home? Why hasn't he called yet? Did he remember his wallet? Is he too tired to drive? Did he run out of gas? I hope he wore his seat belt. Oh dear, I bet he's been in an accident. I'm sure he's unconscious on the road somewhere. Should I just peek at the iPhone locator one more time to see where he is?"

And then it hits me. I have become a stalker mom. An obsessive compulsive, control freak who is gripped with panic when her children are not in her sight. I'm THAT mom. The one who still tells them to be careful crossing the street. The one who has the phone number of every friend her kids have ever had so I can track them down if I ever needed to. The one who sends her sons on a scout camp with a whole set of luggage filled with thermals and extra socks after giving them a firm lecture on staying with the camp and not leaving food in their tent. I swear to you that I am one step away from implanting a monitor on the back of their necks like in Ender's Game.

To all of those moms out there with married kids and empty nests I ask: how do you do it? How do you let go and release your babies into the world where they can live their own lives and learn things the hard way? It seems impossible. I admit that I am struggling more than just a bit. But at the same time I think of myself at their age; my whole life ahead of me, full of promise. Most of the time I felt confident in my ability to navigate the world around me. So why can't I let them enjoy the same freedom?

I can think of a couple of people in my life who were and are still really good at letting their children be their own person. (Yes, Mom and Dad - I'm talking about you). They listen, they give advice only when asked and most of all, they let us fall down once in a while and we become stronger for it.

But it's just so difficult. It's this urge I have; this dang maternal instinct that tells me to wrap them in their blankies and rock them to sleep. It's powerful; it's overwhelming; it makes me wanna roar like a mamma bear. But I am beginning to understand the important role I have in raising resilient children who can problem-solve and be responsible adults. I literally have to bite my tongue most of the time to restrain the outpouring of advice that will surely spew from my mouth whenever my kids come up against an obstacle, either large or small, but I am trying, dang it!

And so I keep trying. To let them be their own person, to let them fail (or not fail) and to just let them find out if they can do some things for themselves.

But most of all to NOT be the reason they wind up in therapy. :)

The pictures say it all...

I have happy things to talk about after yesterday's rant about the spiteful month of January.

I went on a cruise baby!

A CRUISE!

It was awesome.  Really.  I can't stress it enough how awesome it was.  It was warm, sunny, happy and just plain fun.  Go on...be jealous.

Here are a few of my favorite pics:

Chillin on the sun deck

Towel animals!  Yay!

Abby and her new penguin hat.  Because that's what she wanted from Catalina.  A penguin hat. (?)

Alex strikes a pose.

Mario Kart...Catalina style

Abby, Seth and Kade enjoying the beachiness.

Awwwww!

Catalina Island

All fancied up for Christmas Eve dinner.

La Bufadora, Ensenada

Me showing off my cool new bag I bought at the market in Mexico.  Notice my photo bomber and the sketchy pharmacy.

Best fish tacos EVER

The view from my cabin window

Nate showing off his abs in the pool

Eatin' lunch with Grandma.
This was a spectacular view from the back of the ship.

Life is sweet.  :)