Am I smarter than a fifth grader?

The answer to that is a resounding NO.

What happens when my 10 year old asks me to help him with his math homework?  Besides me breaking out in a cold sweat?

I say something like this:  "You know who is great at math?  Your brother!  Now...who wants ice cream?"

But tonight, both Dad and brothers were unavailable for tutoring so I was left to the task.  Two hours later it was clear to both of us that we were on a sinking ship.  Here is a snippet of our conversations:

Me:  "Now that you have solved the problem, just reduce the fraction."

Seth:  "Reduce?  Do you mean simplify?"

Me:  "Well, ya, whatever."

Seth:  "Mom.  It's simplify.  If a teacher says "reduce" when she teaches math, she gets fired.  My teacher said so."

Me:  "So can I be fired now?  Please?"

The Rebel Alliance

I know what you're thinking...quitting facebook is the same as running away from home.  You're just doing it for attention and we all know you'll be back.  But seriously folks.  I deactivated my account a couple of weeks ago and I have one thing to say:  I don't miss it.

The Girl in a Whirl

In my little world the fact that I actually made lunches for kids to take to school today is a small miracle.  Then I remembered this poem I heard many years ago.  All I can say to women everywhere is this --

Drop the guilt!!

The Girl in a Whirl         by ‘Dr. Sue’ (a.k.a. Vickie Gunther)  
         "Look at me, look at me, look at me now!
         You could do what I do
         If you only knew how.
         I study the scriptures one hour each day;
         I bake,
         I upholster,
         I scrub,
         and I pray.
         I always keep all the commandments completely;
         I speak to my little ones gently and sweetly.
         I help in their classrooms!
         I sew all they wear!
         I drive them to practice!
         I cut all their hair!
         I memorize names of the General Authorities;
         I focus on things to be done by priorities.
         I play the piano!
         I bless with my talents!
         My toilets all sparkle!
         My checkbooks all balance!
         Each week every child gets a one-on-one date;
         I attend all my meetings (on time!  Never late!)
  
         I’m taking a class on the teachings of Paul,
  
         But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all .
         I track my bad habits ’til each is abolished;
         Our t-shirts are ironed!
         My toenails are polished!
         Our family home evenings are always delightful;
         The lessons I give are both fun and insightful.
         I do genealogy faithfully, too.
         It’s easy to do all the things that I do!
         I rise each day early, refreshed and awake;
         I know all the names of each youth in my stake!
         I read to my children!
         I help all my neighbors!
         I bless the community, too, with my labors.
         I exercise and I cook menus gourmet;
         My visiting teaching is done the first day!
         (I also go do it for someone who missed hers.
         It’s the least I can do for my cherished ward sisters.)
         I chart resolutions and check off each goal;
         I seek each “lost lamb” on my Primary roll.
         I can home-grown produce each summer and fall.
         But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all .
         I write in my journal!
         I sing in the choir!
         Each day, I write “thank you’s” to those I admire.
         My sons were all Eagles when they were fourteen!
         My kids get straight A’s!
         And their bedrooms are clean!
         I have a home business to help make some money;
         I always look beautifully groomed for my honey.
         I go to the temple at least once a week;
         I change the car’s tires!
         I fix the sink’s leak!
  
         I grind my own wheat and I bake all our bread;
         I have all our meals planned out six months ahead.
         I make sure I rotate our two-years’ supply;
         My shopping for Christmas is done by July!
         These things are not hard;
         ’tis good if you do them;
         You can if you try!
         Just set goals and pursue them!
         It’s easy to do all the things that I do!
         If you plan and work smart, you can do them all, too!
         It’s easy!” she said...

        and then she dropped dead."

words of wisdom

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~ Plato

Funny Girl

So Abby says to me the other day, "Mom, I wonder how Jesus is doing today."

"I think he's probably doing great," I say.

Abby ponders my response.  "Ya....he's probably up there just singin' that "beam" song, huh?"

".........." (me trying not to laugh.)

Where does she come up with this stuff??  She's my funny girl!