p.s. I hate you.

Bleh.  Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh.

January.  I loathe you.  You are so loathed.  I loathest thou.  To loathe or not to loathe?  Hmm...I think I will loathe.  Are any of these usages of the word "loathe" correct?  Who cares?  Not me, because as far as the month of January goes, it can basically go to heck where it will be loathed for all eternity.

I'm not sorry.  I will not take any of it back.

I just came back from a downright awesome vacation where I spent 5 glorious days in the sun only to return to barren trees, polluted skies and black, crusty snow frozen to the streets.

Do I sound hateful and full of disgust?  Of course I do.  Because I am.  I am wondering if it would have been better for me if I had not tasted the sweetness of the sun because it only heightened my awareness of the stinking cold.

Someday I will move to a warm and sunny place and you will not have to read about my loathing.  But until then, I reserve the right to loathe this month with every fiber of my being.

Tomorrow I will have something happy to say.  Today I loathe.

January

Otherwise known as the worst month EVER.  Sorry to all of you January-born folks and all of you determined optimists, but I just can't get over how rotten the whole deal is.  Everything about January sucks.  I know, we all love our snow and lights in December, but in January, the snow is dirty and the lights are out.  Not to mention it's -4 stinking degrees outside in our lovely valley.  People say that hell is a fiery and hot place, but no, no...I am convinced it is a bitterly cold wasteland devoid of life and feeling.  Ya.  Kinda like January.

But don't worry!  President's Day...no wait...Martin Luther King day is coming up this weekend!  Yay!! (insert sarcasm)

As I sit here cuddled up next to my tiny, electric heater that I had to bribe away from the kids, I am reflecting on my life and the past few months.  My little world hasn't been an especially happy one lately.  I had this feeling back in September when Shawn started his last semester of school that this would not be the end of our struggles.  I wanted to feel relief at finally seeing that light at the end of the tunnel, but I really just felt wary and a little bit frightened.  That light did, in fact, feel like an oncoming train.  Everyone around us was cheering us on;  A lot of our friends and family told us with relief that we would finally be getting  back to "real" life and things would get back to the way they were.  But I have never felt that relief.  Not once.  Not truly.  I have felt like we still had the hardest climb yet ahead of us and maybe we would have to draw on reserves that are so deeply hidden, we didn't even know they were there.  Since this is my happy and sanitary blog, I will spare you my entire sob story.

I guess my point is that it's January in my life right now:  both literally and figuratively.  It feels cold, uncertain, bleak, uncomfortable, but there are moments of sunshine and parts of the day when I am finally warm.  And the thing about January...is that it can't last forever.  It only has 31 days (yes, I had to recite the poem in my head to figure that out) and it only comes once a year.  Sure, it will inevitably roll around again in 12 months, but I can make it through every January in my life as long as I know that eventually, warmer days will come.

Oh thank you January

I just wanted to take the time to express to the wonderful month of January my deepest thanks.

Thank you for being the worst month of the year.  Thank you for your gray skies, your sub-freezing temperatures, your short days, your long nights and your singular lack of interesting holidays.  My gratitude to you for making my life miserable;  for ruining the air with your inversion;  for causing much post traumatic stress, but most of all thank you for being OVER!

Until next year....

I will not be missing you.

Love,
Megan