Dear Candy Corn, I love you.

Hi. My name is Megan and I am a candy corn addict... er... I mean, expert. Ya. That's the word I was looking for.

It's an obsession, really. I blame my mother. She is the cause of all of my food addictions. Homemade pies, bread, cinnamon rolls and don't even get me started on the sugar cookies. I grew up knowing that all of my problems could easily be remedied with some sort of comfort food. And believe me, its true.

If you share my "expertise" with candy corn, you know that there are certain rules in place. First of all, you never buy any brand but Brach's. All of the others are garbage and if you buy it you'll end up saying silly and blasphemous things like, "I hate candy corn."

Second, you only eat candy corn in the Fall and you only eat the white, orange and yellow ones. You shouldn't buy "bunny corn", "cupid corn", "reindeer corn" or even the white, orange and brown corn because that is just wrong. The other colors are wannabes. Why tamper with perfection? Trust me, it matters.

You might be tempted to buy the cute, little Mellowcreme pumpkins instead of candy corn, but don't be fooled. While they have their rightful place high in the hierarchy of the candy food chain, they should not be eaten in place of the Corn. The Corn is the ruler of all candy.

Be warned that you should not eat too much candy corn at one time. This will make you regret eating it and could possibly cause you to momentarily waiver in your belief of its superiority. Thankfully, you will eventually forget your stomach aches and start to crave it once again. It's kind of like having kids. The pain of childbirth gently fades away in your memory until one day you get a glimpse of a cute, dimply baby and voila! Pregnant again.

Where was I? Oh yes. My sugar-induced coma. My exaggerated sense of well-being. These are both side effects of eating candy corn. While they are not unpleasant, I would advise you to not operate heavy machinery or make any big decisions after partaking of the corn until you know how it will affect your mental processes.

For example:

Abby just walked into the room, read the title of this post and asked, "Who is Candy Corn?" After I regained my composure at my obvious lapse in motherly responsibilities, I informed her that candy corn is not a person and pulled up a picture for her on Google Images.

She started laughing hysterically that I would actually be writing a letter to a piece of candy.

You understand now the depth of my addiction.

She then asked me if we had some candy corn that she could eat.

"Not anymore," I said.

I was lying.

Just pie

Here's the deal.  My mom makes the best pies in the world.  For real.  IN THE WHOLE WORLD.  She came to see me the other day.  She brought me a peach pie because she is the best mom ever.  After she left I immediately ate two pieces and then proceeded to hide the pie in the back of the fridge.  If you get between me and my pie, there is trouble.  And this is what I had for breakfast, lunch, dinner and a midnight snack the next day which is totally acceptable because there is fruit in it.  Yes.  The pie is gone.  Yes.  I cried.

Behold the deliciousness.  It's just so beautiful.

And again.  Do you notice the exquisite, flaky crust?  Perfection, my friends.

This is how I look before I partake of the deliciousness.

This is me:  the pie stalker.

And this is me eating another piece about 5 minutes after I ate the first one.  I promise I do use a fork.

Long live the pie.  Go get some.  But stay away from mine.

Cheese = happiness

Introducing my latest addiction:

Have any of you tried this stuff?  Holy moly!  I can't get enough of it.  I was grazing the other day at Costco and sampled this little piece of heaven, served by a cute lady who proclaimed it to be tasty and satisfying.  I have to say I agree.

So here's the bad news:

Yup.  There is pretty much no nutritional value whatsoever.  It's almost 100% fat and one little serving of 2 Tbsp. fills up 40% of your saturated fat intake for the day.  Which, of course, is why it is so dang yummy.  I admit with little shame that I can eat the entire box in one sitting if I so desired.

The best cracker to eat this with is:

Also available at Costco!  (dear Costco...I want free cheese).  

I know...you see the words "rice crackers" and you think "boring", but these are salty, cheesy and yummy!  Thank heaven they are low fat, low calorie and as close as you can get to just eating air.  It cancels out the cheese, don't you think?  So I can eat as much as I want, right?  Right.