Panic attacks and other fun stuff

I can't even begin to explain how incredibly busy I have been lately. But apparently not so busy that I can't blog about it, right? Ha!

Birthday parties, mission farewells, anniversaries, father's day, homework, homework, homework and more homework. Did I mention that I have homework? Can you believe it? I HAVE HOMEWORK! My instructor (because that's what they're called nowadays...none of the "teacher" business) opened the class early, so I have been working my tushy off trying to get ahead so I don't fall behind when I go to Girls Camp this week.

Ahhhh... Girls Camp. In capital letters because it has been all Girls Camp, all the time here at my house. I cannot stop thinking about it. I eat, sleep (or in my case, NOT sleep) and drink it. It keeps me up at night and makes me slightly sick to my stomach. The other day I literally almost had a panic attack when I found out how cold it's going to be up there in the Uintahs this week. Highs in the 50's, lows in the 30's. Dang. That's frickin' cold. And we all know how much Megan loves to be cold.

Then there is the kids. Alex is off to go on tour to LA this week, Nate has a youth conference to go to and Seth has a birthday sleepover with his cousin. Abby gets to hang out with super cool Aunt Amy since I won't be around for this week, which we will now refer to as a hot mess. Thank heaven for my sister who is rescuing me in all sorts of ways and keeping this hot mess from literally going to my head.

Shawn gets to run around in between all of this hot mess and then go work his butt off like always. Ahhh...good times.

Well, I suppose I shall go sleep in my comfy warm bed for the last time before freezing various limbs off of my body this week in the mountains. Hopefully I will still have fingers to blog all about it.

Oh dear, what have I done

So I did it. I signed up for my first class. Guess when it starts? June 16th. Like, as in 10 days from now. It's just a beginning computer class, so it probably won't be a big deal, but it's one I need to get out of the way so I can take the fun stuff. Like programming and writing in HTML. Is it weird that I'm excited about that? Never mind. I know the answer to that. So now I get to study to take the Accuplacer test so I don't have to take 5th grade math all over again. Guess what? I don't remember how to do anything with fractions. But does any adult really know? Except for the ones who are studying for the Accuplacer test? I think not. But it's all coming back to me now. Although I did have one embarrassing moment when I had to ask my kids to remind me of the order of operations.

Don't worry! I'll be fine. I'll just have to find a way to sneak in my 11 year old.

My new mantra. And screensaver.

Sleep is, like, so overrated

Just kidding. It's not. Bedtime is my favorite part of the day. Because it's not just about sleeping - it's the perfect, slow motion, luxuriant, perfectly acceptable, non productive part of my day where I can snuggle into my 500 thread count sheets, lay down on my comfy pillow, read, play candy crush, put in my earplugs and then fall blissfully into slumber for 8 beautiful hours.

Errrrr....wait. Back up a bit. It's 5 a.m., I've been awake for 2 hours, so what the heck happened?

I'm not really sure, to be honest. Well, that's not entirely true. It's girls camp. I can't get it out of my head. I dream about it, I think about it, I obsess about it and it's cutting into my favorite part of the day so it needs to get here quickly and be over with so I may get back to my life in which I will most surely find something else to obsess about. (ummmm....school, do ya think?!?)

(insert big sigh here)

Anyway... whine, whine, whine, blah, blah, blah...you get the picture.

Killing time

I am playing the waiting game right now, so I thought I would kill some time and write. About what? Heck, I don't have a frickin' clue. I'll start by saying the first things that come to my mind (this could be interesting).

I am waiting for my admission letter to SLCC. I check the mail faithfully every day like a woman waiting for a love letter. It's just that I can't DO anything until I get that dang letter! It has my student id number, which is the magical passcode to all things collegiate, and I can't register for classes or take placement tests or figure out my financial aid or anything until I get that stupid letter! UGH!! I am the most impatient person I know.

I am also waiting to drive up the canyon with a bunch of women to check out our campsite for girls camp this year. I am pretty nervous about this since I am the one who chose the site and if it stinks then it's pretty much all my fault. I was supposed to go in 30 minutes but other late people are, surprise!, going to be late so I have to wait another hour. Another thing bugging me at the moment.

But I have a bit of good news! My crunched van is fixable, which can be good or bad depending on if your glass is half full or half empty. I've decided that it's a good thing because it means that a. I get to drive a new rental van around for a week and b. that I don't have to come up with money to purchase a new one. On the other hand, driving around this nice van makes me want a new car. Badly. Ah well...such is life I suppose. At least I have a vehicle and I don't have to take the scary bus all over the place like some people I know. Hey! Look at me being all positive and stuff! Woo hoo!

Let's see...Abby graduated Kindergarten a couple of days ago and their program was so dang cute I was on the verge of tears the entire time.

She's adorable. There just isn't any other words to describe her. I would also like to point out the fact that she is the only girl in her class who insisted on wearing her fanciest dress. She is part little girl and mostly princess, so I suppose it comes with the territory. She also sang a little solo in one of her songs, which I can't post for some reason. I think my iphone file isn't supported by this application or something. I don't know. Hey, that's something I will learn in school right? Or maybe one of you can enlighten me.

Seth had something the other day at school called a "wax museum". They got to choose a famous person, anybody they wanted, and do a report on them. Then they would dress up like the character, memorize a 30 second blurb about their life and all the classes and parents could come and visit. The kids would stand perfectly still and you would come up to them and press a button on their desk at which point they would give you their little speech. Seth chose to be David Tennant. In case you don't know who that is, which is probably all of you except for Tracy, he is the 10th doctor on the newest series of "Doctor Who". Seth is a little obsessed about it.

He looked pretty good, right down to his sonic screwdriver. What a nut! He did a good job though. He even spoke in a British accent when he did his speech! He is a funny and clever kid.

Well, I suppose that's it for now. I successfully filled my time up with something other than pacing the house so I am pretty proud of myself. Yay me!

Our exciting weekend

Life stays interesting here at the Shipleys. Shawn had to work on Saturday, so we basically did some housework, then lounged around until that night when we went over to our friend's house (the Bylunds) to see their oldest boy, Jordan, open his mission call. He's going to Independence, Missouri on an American Sign Language assignment. So exciting! He has studied ASL for four years and was over-the-top excited about it. I am so happy that he is happy. As his friends were all leaving, one of them backed out of the driveway and then this happened:

Oopsy! Luckily it's still drive-able, but we had to tape the headlight back in place. I think this probably means goodbye to what we call our "miracle van." It is so old I can't imagine the insurance company paying for the repair, so they will most likely pay out the value of the van instead. That is a bummer since it isn't worth much anymore. So I have mixed feelings about this. The van still runs great despite having almost 200,000 miles on it (Yay for Toyotas! Those Japanese know how to make 'em.). But I would love a new vehicle. We definitely can't afford much of a car payment, especially since we had to take out a small loan to pay for the air conditioner. I hate money (or the lack of it) and all the problems and stress it brings to our life! Then Sunday we spent the night at Craig and Wendi's and played games until 2 a.m., then hung out there all day Monday. So besides the humongous dent in the van, our weekend was pretty laid back and fun.

And I have good news! The air conditioner is being fixed right now and life will soon be nice and cool, which is a huge relief since it's going to be 90 degrees today. Summer decided to jump on in without warning. 

Bring it on!

Am I manic, or just out of my ever-lovin' mind?

It's the question of the day today.

I have big news.

No, really. It's big.

I just applied for college.

I'm doing it. I'm going back to school. I applied to SLCC and I am awaiting my acceptance letter, at which time I can start planning my college future. I am so scared; words cannot even express how scared I am. I decided to start by taking a computer class and an English class and see where it goes from there. My ultimate goal is a bachelors in computer science, but that is only going to happen if I can remember how to do math. I used to be pretty good at it in high school, so I'm really hoping it's like riding a bike, but I have this sneaky suspicion that it is going to be much, much harder than that. The good news is that I did a practice placement exam for English and I aced it the first time without even studying. Which makes me think I am going into the wrong field, but I just can't think of anything to do that involves English that really appeals to me as far as careers go. Maybe editing. I don't know. But computers are interesting. And I'm good at it. I'm just not so sure that I will be good at computer school. Do you see my conflict? So I will take both classes and then hopefully have a better handle on what the heck I want to do with the rest of my life.

Please pray for me and my rusty, old brain.

Ah, sunshine

Longer days. Shifting hormones causing a feeling of giddiness to bubble up as winter fades away. Spring fever has finally struck the Shipleys as temperatures climbed into the 80's this weekend. For the kids, spring fever causes a distracted sort of feeling that makes it hard to concentrate on the final push for good grades. And quite frankly, I am having a hard time caring about school either as I look forward to summer with all it's gloriously warm days and homework-free nights. Only three more weeks! For me, spring fever usually hits in the form of gleeful home improvement. Oh, the projects I have planned! Now if I could just pick one and actually do it. It's just so much easier to think of the ideas than to execute them.

Of course, since there must be opposition in all things, we found out yesterday that our central air has quit working. Seriously? Where are we going to come up with the money to replace THAT? Looks like we are going on the beans and rice diet for the next few months if we want to afford to survive summer. But to look on the bright side, I would rather be sweating than freezing, so I suppose I will cling to that like my shirt is clinging to my back at this very moment.

What Moms really want for Mother's Day

Breakfast in bed? No thank you, the thought is nice but what I really want is a couple extra hours of sleep. So yesterday my boys took Abby, made her breakfast and quietly entertained her downstairs while I slept until 10. I honestly can't remember the last time I was able to sleep that late. It was the best Mother's day ever!! After I woke up, Abby came in my room and set a cupcake I had made the night before on my nightstand. "Happy Mothers Day!" she said. She is such a sweetheart.

I'm glad I got to have that relaxing day yesterday because this week is going to be a busy one for me. Whenever I know I have a lot of activities and responsibilities coming up I start to get Restless Mind Syndrome. You ever heard of that before? It's a thing. Well, at least I say it is. And I have a severe case of it today. It's funny how just the other day I felt like a slug, but today my mind feels like it's constantly buzzing, twitching and fluttering around from one thing to another. You wanna know what I usually do when I feel like this? Besides wandering aimlessly around the house? I sit down and write. It's a great way to externalize all of the endless jabbering. As I write down my thoughts it's almost like I am filing them away somewhere in cyberspace. They're not really gone, just a little quieter. The only problem is that lately when I sit down to write, nothing comes out. It's like I am having a hard time connecting with the part of my brain that allows me to remember the alphabet and basic vocabulary. It's maddening. Yup...I am a restless, restless girl.

Maybe my restlessness today comes from having a lot on my mind. It's the beginning of the busy season. The kids are winding up the school year, which means award events, band concerts, class parties and field days. I also have summer vacations to plan, spring cleaning on the brain, and let's just take a moment to mention that I got a new calling as a counselor in the stake YW. While I am very excited about this new challenge, it is tempered with the knowledge that I am the counselor assigned to help with our stake girl's camp in June (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Yes, that was me freaking out. We have a great camp committee so I really don't have to be freaking out so much, but alas it is my nature to freak out about things in general. I didn't realize how busy this calling is going to be and quite frankly, I doubt my ability to keep up without losing it. This week alone I have a seminary morningside, ward visits, leadership training, camp certification, camp committee meeting and a ward conference. That's a lot of stuff and a lot of dresses I need to wear. Time to update my wardrobe, I think. Unless I want to wear the same 3 dresses over and over.

The kids have been on my mind a lot too. But of course they always are. They each have their own struggles, but they also have a lot of good things happening in their lives. Alex will be a senior this year, Nate starts high school, Seth starts junior high and Abby will be in school full time as a little first grader! Yes, this is going to be a year of change. It pretty much scares the bejeebers out of me.

Shawn is doing well at his new job in the ER. He loves the variety in his day, but is also feeling the effects of seeing some pretty awful things. It takes a toll on him and some days when he comes home I can tell it's been a hard day. I'm not sure if a person ever gets used to things like that. I think it takes a lot of courage to see death and suffering every day. But Shawn is a compassionate person and an excellent nurse. I wish I could be more like him.

My brain has also been racing again with the idea of going back to school. I know I already talked about this a few weeks back but I can't seem to get it out of my head. So I am pleased to announce that I took the first step and ordered my transcripts from WAY back when I went to the University of Utah! I don't have a ton of credit since I only attended part time for about 18 months, but something is better than nothing and it feels good to know I have a little bit of a head start. Now I need to see if I qualify for some financial aid and decide where I want to take my first classes. Any ideas?? The community college would be the least expensive, but I would rather take online classes from the U of U or the University of Phoenix. I guess I need to see how much everything would cost, since that would probably be the deciding factor of where I would go at first. Plus I need to decide if I am actually going to do it and what I want to major in. I suppose that's pretty important too. Ha ha.

So there it is. My crazy life and crazy mind. But amidst all of the craziness there are bright and sunny moments that make my day. Like Mothers Day. And sleep. And each of my kids (even the teenagers) giving me hugs and telling me they love me. I'm a lucky girl.

Goo

It's raining. Whenever it rains I feel my mood shift into a kind of numbness that makes me sleepy and unproductive. I could never live in a place where it rained all the time. I'm sure I would turn into a big blob of sleepy goo. So that's what I am today - sleepy goo.

Shawn is working this weekend. And next weekend. And the weekend after that. Ya, ya, I know what you're saying right now; that I knew this would happen and I should just get over it. Nurses work weekends and holidays and birthdays and anniversaries and days when you are supposed to go on vacation. But he's out there saving lives so I suppose I should move on and just deal. It's on these days when I feel like goo that I need him here to motivate me and push me into being productive. But he's not here so never mind. I will just sit here and write about my gooeyness and be unproductive.

Is it ok that some days are like this? Days where I wander around and do nothing but stare into the abyss and slip slowly into madness? I'm sure I can't be the only one. Even as I write I feel the words slowly rising to the surface instead of springing to life onto the page. What should I do to pull myself out of this gooey state of mind? If you say exercise, I swear I am going to reach through this computer screen and strangle you.