Such is the case at this very moment. It is 4:46 p.m. and I don't need to leave until 5:30 for a concert that starts at 7. But am I ready? Why yes, of course I am. And I have been ready for at least an hour. Now I am suspended in that vacuum of time that exists between now and the designated departure with nothing to do but pace the house. I seriously drive myself insane by doing this. Why can't I chill out?
Another thing to blame on my anxiety, I guess.
So I decided to sit down and write, hoping that not only could I fill some time but maybe, just maybe, I can talk myself back into a semi-rational state of mind that tells me that everything will still work out if I am not there 20 minutes before the doors open. I will find a seat. I will enjoy the concert. Life will move on. In fact, maybe I should let myself leave at 5:45 just so I can push myself into my fears a little. Like exposure therapy or something.
I do this sort of thing constantly. I drop Abby off at school at 8:40 and then I mentally count down the minutes until I pick her up. For example, every time I look at the clock I think stuff like, "Ok, it's 10:30. I have one hour before I need to leave to pick her up." I even have reminders set on my phone so I don't forget, something that I doubt would ever happen since I am constantly thinking about it the entire time time she is gone.
In fact, I am hardly ever late for anything. I am at least 10 minutes early to church and I am so immobilized by this fear that I would rather skip sacrament meeting altogether than walk in during the opening song. My church meeting doesn't start until 1, but I get in the shower by 10, get myself all ready to go and then have 2 hours to fret about the house, checking my lesson that I have already looked at a hundred times and trying to coax the kids out of their pajamas and into the shower. I literally waste an entire morning doing something that I should only spend 30 minutes on.
Help me! What do I do to control this? I can't be alone in my neurosis. Even as I sit here I am starting to freak out because I really want to post this before I leave but I keep getting interrupted. Heaven forbid if I didn't post this until next week, but I can't do that because it would be late!! Ahhh!
Welcome to my crazy underground garage.
I am totally amused by this post, because I do the exact same thing. Prime example: yesterday, I was ready for church at 10:50. I needed to be there by 12:15. I had almost talked myself into go to church at 10:50, when I remembered the boys hadn't come for fast offerings yet. So I waited and waited and got more and more nervous. By 11:20 I was certain they weren't coming. I started to gather up my stuff and leave--because by that time I was less than an hour earlier than I needed to be. Then they finally showed up. I was so relieved. I got to church 45 minutes earlier than I needed to be and I was finally able to relax and sit around and wait and waste even more time. Since you do it and I do it, I think I will decide it's us that are normal and everyone else who can actually use their time wisely is the not normal bunch--cause that's not crazy at all!
ReplyDeleteThat is so funny! What makes that story even better is that it was MY kids who were late with the fast offerings and guess who was FREAKING out about it and yelling at them to hurry? Ya. Me. Apparently they didn't inherit my crazy "can't be late for anything, ever" gene.
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