Growing up is optional

My eldest child turned 17 last week.  I have mixed feelings about this birthday.  On one hand, I am excited for him;  he is just starting his life and has so many opportunities ahead of him.  Yet I am scared for him too.  He has so much to learn and I know he will have trials that I can no longer shield him from.  It's a weird feeling.  This birthday has also been a unwelcome reminder of my advancing age.  Here is my official list entitled "20 signs that you are approaching middle age":

1.  You realize you have known your spouse for more than half your life.
2.  When you get together with your friends, you realize that you enjoy discussing your various physical ailments.
3.  Your idea of a good time is staying at home watching Netflix in your pajamas.
4.  "Dressing up" means putting on a bra.
5.  You stop telling people that you are going to "grow old gracefully".
6.  You dye your hair because you have to, not because you want to.
7.  You actually have a strategic plan for how you are going to someday grow out your gray hair and stop coloring it.  I'm serious.
8.  You are happy to be done having kids, but start to realize you are going to miss some things about having babies.
9.  You realize that you are never again going to plan a first-birthday party.
10.  You begin to dream about future grandchildren and start saving toys "just in case". (see number 8).
11.  You wake up from that dream in a cold sweat.
12.  You try to go back to sleep, grateful that you are finally at a time in your life when you get a chance to sleep through the night, but your traitorous body doesn't let you.
13.  The reasons your body doesn't let you sleep at night are sometimes the same reasons why it won't move the next morning.
14.  You understood the previous statement without having to think about it.
15.  Your youngest child is a brat, but you really couldn't care less.
16.  People start to think you are learning to be patient, but...(see number 15).
17.  Sitting on the floor is NEVER a good idea.
18.  In fact, even getting up from the floor after sitting for longer than, oh, ten minutes usually results in cramped leg muscles, sore hips and an arthritic hobble across the room.  This is usually followed by one of your teenagers mocking you.
19.  Speaking of teenagers, you don't understand half of what they are talking about and you have had conversations where they explain to you what "hashtag" means.
20.  The fact that you even HAVE teenagers is proof enough.

Happy birthday Alex!  :)