I wish I could take credit for this phrase, recently coined by my sister who is going through the post-surgery blues. It so perfectly sums up a mood that is somewhere between ok and my-life-sucks. And it happens to perfectly sum up my current state of mind.
I am sitting here at 1:45 a.m. in a terribly uncomfortable office chair. I am supposed to be in bed, but I recently vacated that location due to less than desirable sleeping conditions. Being awake in the middle of the night is a little weird; I sorta feel like I am doing something wrong, sneaking around the house like a burglar, avoiding all the creaks in the floor and quietly closing doors to bedrooms so I don't disturb anyone else with my insomnia.
The stillness in the house gives me too much time to think. My mind starts to wander with anxious thoughts and I worry about everything that is wrong in my life. Most of my worries are about things I can't control, but I go ahead and worry about them anyway. It's silly and a little irrational, but I can't seem to help it.
I've tried what feels like everything for my anxiety. Meditation, therapy, vitamins, calming teas, avoiding caffeine, all kinds of medications and nothing really seems to work. I read an article once that told me one of the best things I can do for anxiety is get enough sleep. Obviously whoever wrote that article is a moron. So what else can I do? This is not a hypothetical question, but an actual question sent out into cyberspace where it will hopefully return to me with some answers. Anxiety can be crippling at times. And the worst part is that I see it in my kids and I feel so responsible for it. So guess what I do? That's right. I worry about it. I even have anxiety about anxiety. It makes me laugh a little, which come to think about it, could be from my current sleep-deprivation.
So anyway, there's my little rant for the night. Maybe writing it out will ease my mind and give me some relief. Who knows? Not me.
Welcome to the better side of crappy.
Actually sis, you coined the phrase. I simply said that I was "pretty OK." You're the one that came up with "the better side of crappy." It's a keeper. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are having a less than better and slightly crappy time with your anxiety (and sleep). I have pretty effective ways of dealing with mine, but they all begin with, "Just remember....blah, blah, blah," and "All you have to do is...yadda, yadda, yadda." You know, all the stuff super helpful people say that is entirely useless. All I can say is that I am here to talk and to bounce things off of at any time. I love and cherish you!
I really said that first? Another thing to blame on my "stupid pill". Oh well. Thanks for always being there; just knowing that I have someone to talk to helps me so much. :) Love you too!!
Delete"The better side of crappy" I love it! Can you quote you... often? Next time I have an insomnia night, I'm going to check to see if your lights are on. It will make me feel better to know I'm not the only insane person who stays awake all night!
ReplyDeleteOf course you can quote it! It will make me feel famous. :)
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