Easter pic

Aside from the hideous glare on the glasses, we're not a bad lookin' family!

Am I smarter than a fifth grader?

The answer to that is a resounding NO.

What happens when my 10 year old asks me to help him with his math homework?  Besides me breaking out in a cold sweat?

I say something like this:  "You know who is great at math?  Your brother!  Now...who wants ice cream?"

But tonight, both Dad and brothers were unavailable for tutoring so I was left to the task.  Two hours later it was clear to both of us that we were on a sinking ship.  Here is a snippet of our conversations:

Me:  "Now that you have solved the problem, just reduce the fraction."

Seth:  "Reduce?  Do you mean simplify?"

Me:  "Well, ya, whatever."

Seth:  "Mom.  It's simplify.  If a teacher says "reduce" when she teaches math, she gets fired.  My teacher said so."

Me:  "So can I be fired now?  Please?"

The Rebel Alliance

I know what you're thinking...quitting facebook is the same as running away from home.  You're just doing it for attention and we all know you'll be back.  But seriously folks.  I deactivated my account a couple of weeks ago and I have one thing to say:  I don't miss it.

The Girl in a Whirl

In my little world the fact that I actually made lunches for kids to take to school today is a small miracle.  Then I remembered this poem I heard many years ago.  All I can say to women everywhere is this --

Drop the guilt!!

The Girl in a Whirl         by ‘Dr. Sue’ (a.k.a. Vickie Gunther)  
         "Look at me, look at me, look at me now!
         You could do what I do
         If you only knew how.
         I study the scriptures one hour each day;
         I bake,
         I upholster,
         I scrub,
         and I pray.
         I always keep all the commandments completely;
         I speak to my little ones gently and sweetly.
         I help in their classrooms!
         I sew all they wear!
         I drive them to practice!
         I cut all their hair!
         I memorize names of the General Authorities;
         I focus on things to be done by priorities.
         I play the piano!
         I bless with my talents!
         My toilets all sparkle!
         My checkbooks all balance!
         Each week every child gets a one-on-one date;
         I attend all my meetings (on time!  Never late!)
  
         I’m taking a class on the teachings of Paul,
  
         But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all .
         I track my bad habits ’til each is abolished;
         Our t-shirts are ironed!
         My toenails are polished!
         Our family home evenings are always delightful;
         The lessons I give are both fun and insightful.
         I do genealogy faithfully, too.
         It’s easy to do all the things that I do!
         I rise each day early, refreshed and awake;
         I know all the names of each youth in my stake!
         I read to my children!
         I help all my neighbors!
         I bless the community, too, with my labors.
         I exercise and I cook menus gourmet;
         My visiting teaching is done the first day!
         (I also go do it for someone who missed hers.
         It’s the least I can do for my cherished ward sisters.)
         I chart resolutions and check off each goal;
         I seek each “lost lamb” on my Primary roll.
         I can home-grown produce each summer and fall.
         But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all .
         I write in my journal!
         I sing in the choir!
         Each day, I write “thank you’s” to those I admire.
         My sons were all Eagles when they were fourteen!
         My kids get straight A’s!
         And their bedrooms are clean!
         I have a home business to help make some money;
         I always look beautifully groomed for my honey.
         I go to the temple at least once a week;
         I change the car’s tires!
         I fix the sink’s leak!
  
         I grind my own wheat and I bake all our bread;
         I have all our meals planned out six months ahead.
         I make sure I rotate our two-years’ supply;
         My shopping for Christmas is done by July!
         These things are not hard;
         ’tis good if you do them;
         You can if you try!
         Just set goals and pursue them!
         It’s easy to do all the things that I do!
         If you plan and work smart, you can do them all, too!
         It’s easy!” she said...

        and then she dropped dead."

words of wisdom

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~ Plato

Funny Girl

So Abby says to me the other day, "Mom, I wonder how Jesus is doing today."

"I think he's probably doing great," I say.

Abby ponders my response.  "Ya....he's probably up there just singin' that "beam" song, huh?"

".........." (me trying not to laugh.)

Where does she come up with this stuff??  She's my funny girl!

Cheese = happiness

Introducing my latest addiction:

Have any of you tried this stuff?  Holy moly!  I can't get enough of it.  I was grazing the other day at Costco and sampled this little piece of heaven, served by a cute lady who proclaimed it to be tasty and satisfying.  I have to say I agree.

So here's the bad news:

Yup.  There is pretty much no nutritional value whatsoever.  It's almost 100% fat and one little serving of 2 Tbsp. fills up 40% of your saturated fat intake for the day.  Which, of course, is why it is so dang yummy.  I admit with little shame that I can eat the entire box in one sitting if I so desired.

The best cracker to eat this with is:

Also available at Costco!  (dear Costco...I want free cheese).  

I know...you see the words "rice crackers" and you think "boring", but these are salty, cheesy and yummy!  Thank heaven they are low fat, low calorie and as close as you can get to just eating air.  It cancels out the cheese, don't you think?  So I can eat as much as I want, right?  Right.

life at 4 a.m.

So it seems that I must endure another night of only 4 hours of sleep.  I'm not sure what is happening inside my brain to make me so sleep deprived, but here I sit, 4 o'clock in the morning while everyone else is blissfully sleeping.  I am wandering around the house, eating cereal and contemplating life.  The heater is humming quietly and I can hear Shawn snoring in the background.  Words are jumping around in brain, but I just can't seem to bring them all together and let them flow out of me.

Such is life at the moment.

What does a person DO at 4 a.m.?  I am open to suggestions.

Isn't this nice?

Typical family dinner at my house:

It's like someone had a camera installed in my kitchen...and then made a cartoon out of it.

Except a few things need to be added.  Like musical chairs.  And kids choking.  And me laughing so hard I have to leave to room.

Do the limbo

limbo  n.
1.  A state or place of confinement.
2.  An intermediate stage.
3.  A dance from West India that is freaky, but disturbingly genius.

Or we could submit a new definition:
4.  My life in a nutshell.

So Shawn didn't pass his first attempt at the dreaded NCLEX, otherwise known as "the most ridiculous test in history".  Seriously, why can't it just be a straightforward measure of a person's knowledge and aptitude for nursing?  Why all the trickery, chicanery and shenanigans?  For cryin' out loud people spend thousands of dollars on their education, then turn around and spend hundreds more taking entire courses dedicated to passing this test;  teaching you how to navigate your way through the silliness so you can find the one little key word that will magically tell you which answer is "most correct".

Guaranteed you'll pass or your money back!

Needless to say, Shawn didn't take that extra course two months ago.  Looking back, (insert sarcasm) we believe it was an unwise decision.

So here we go again, another 45 days of studying, crying, not sleeping and generally banging our heads against the wall.  And taking a course that is guaranteed (or your money back) to make you feel stupid, just in case your experience in nursing school didn't already take care of that.

In limbo.  In between stages.  Not feeling like there is a place in life where we fit.  Just going through the motions and getting on each other's nerves.  I suppose I should use this as a learning experience.  You know...try to find the lesson, learn from it, lean into  it.

But I really just want to fling it out the window.

Ok enough complaining.  I will stop complaining for a moment.  The complaining part of this post is now over.  On to looking on the brighter side of things, like it's now February and you know what that means don't you?

That January is over!!  And spring is coming!!

Ahhhh...spring.  It makes me happy inside just hearing the word.  Knowing it's right around the next corner.  It feels me with all sorts of giddiness and gives me this sudden urge to play in the dirt.  It also means that the kids will actually go outside to play once in a while instead of parking their butts in front of an endless stream of Netflix cartoons or video games.  Yes, spring is awesome.  It's all trampolines and tulips and bunny rabbits.  It's the host of all my favorite holidays (except Halloween, of course) and it represents, to me, a new start and a new life.  A chance to begin again.

And to quit doing the limbo. :)