From Soccer Mom to Stalker Mom

I loved it when my boys were all babies.  I was their whole world and I held that world in the palm of my little hand. I fed them, I bathed them, I colored with them. I played Pokemon, Legos and Thomas the Train. I drove them to play dates, to the zoo, to Grandma's house and watched them swat mosquitoes on the little league outfield and get kicked in the shins playing soccer. I was a good little soccer mom, too. I always brought the best treats...none of this "carrot stick and string cheese" business. It was all sugar, all the time! Yeah!

And then they became teenagers.

Not only did their world get considerably bigger, I became a little teeny tiny dot on the map. Now my days are filled with anxiety and questions. "Why isn't he home? Why hasn't he called yet? Did he remember his wallet? Is he too tired to drive? Did he run out of gas? I hope he wore his seat belt. Oh dear, I bet he's been in an accident. I'm sure he's unconscious on the road somewhere. Should I just peek at the iPhone locator one more time to see where he is?"

And then it hits me. I have become a stalker mom. An obsessive compulsive, control freak who is gripped with panic when her children are not in her sight. I'm THAT mom. The one who still tells them to be careful crossing the street. The one who has the phone number of every friend her kids have ever had so I can track them down if I ever needed to. The one who sends her sons on a scout camp with a whole set of luggage filled with thermals and extra socks after giving them a firm lecture on staying with the camp and not leaving food in their tent. I swear to you that I am one step away from implanting a monitor on the back of their necks like in Ender's Game.

To all of those moms out there with married kids and empty nests I ask: how do you do it? How do you let go and release your babies into the world where they can live their own lives and learn things the hard way? It seems impossible. I admit that I am struggling more than just a bit. But at the same time I think of myself at their age; my whole life ahead of me, full of promise. Most of the time I felt confident in my ability to navigate the world around me. So why can't I let them enjoy the same freedom?

I can think of a couple of people in my life who were and are still really good at letting their children be their own person. (Yes, Mom and Dad - I'm talking about you). They listen, they give advice only when asked and most of all, they let us fall down once in a while and we become stronger for it.

But it's just so difficult. It's this urge I have; this dang maternal instinct that tells me to wrap them in their blankies and rock them to sleep. It's powerful; it's overwhelming; it makes me wanna roar like a mamma bear. But I am beginning to understand the important role I have in raising resilient children who can problem-solve and be responsible adults. I literally have to bite my tongue most of the time to restrain the outpouring of advice that will surely spew from my mouth whenever my kids come up against an obstacle, either large or small, but I am trying, dang it!

And so I keep trying. To let them be their own person, to let them fail (or not fail) and to just let them find out if they can do some things for themselves.

But most of all to NOT be the reason they wind up in therapy. :)

Fashion forward

Here is Abby in her latest get-up.  A girl who knows her fashion.  Note that the shoes coordinate perfectly with the fur trimmed vest and the multicolored bows are definitely making a statement.

I'm also pretty sure that someday she is going to hate me for posting these kinds of pictures of her.  Will that stop me?  Of course not.

Lost and found

***Spoiler Alert!***

This post contains a lot of irrational, unnecessary complaining and possible symptoms of a mid-life crisis.  Do not read this if you are in a good mood.

So here's my question of the day:  how can my life be insanely busy but incredibly boring at the same time?  It sounds impossible but there it is.  Do you ever look around and wonder why you keep doing the same dang thing day after day?  I get so frustrated with myself.

But I stay at home with my kids!

I'm supposed to love it!

But there is this irritating whisper in the back of my head that's telling me I am losing it.  That the person I used to be is gone;  lost somewhere along the last 17 years of motherhood and marriage.  Wait...is this what a mid-life crisis is like?  Am I going to start shopping obsessively, get Botox injections, and pack it all in and run away to Greece?  Hmmm.  I'm not gonna lie - Greece sounds tempting.

I admit that every time I start a blog post this issue is on the tip of my tongue, but the confession comes with so much guilt.  I have much to be grateful for.  My life could actually be horrible.  But it isn't.  I have great kids.  I have a hard-working husband.  I have a home and food on the table.  I am blessed beyond what I probably deserve.

So what's with this "woe is me" crap?  And who is spared grief?  No one.

I guess I am realizing a few things about the harsh reality of adult life.  We control nothing.  We don't know what tomorrow will bring.  Bad things happen to good people.  Our kids have free agency and they are going to make stupid mistakes.  We can't shelter them from the boogie man anymore.  Biggest of all is my realization that we're all heading in the same direction and it's a one-way ticket.  We grow up assuming that if we follow the rules, do as we're told, have a good heart, then everything will work out and we'll all live happily ever after.  Sometimes that is true.  We should have a good heart and follow the rules.  Happiness can come from doing those things.  But happily ever after?  I think that comes from choosing to be grateful for what we have.  All of the people I know who are truly happy are people who are humble, giving and grateful for what they do have instead of focusing on the negative.

Hello Debbie Downer!  But there is my problem:  focusing on the negative.  Not being grateful for what I have.

I know as I look back on my life later, this spot I am in right here, right now will be a bright and sunny memory.  But the fact is that we all have to work hard at being bright and sunny.  The guilty truth is that I sometimes begrudge my identity as a mom.  I sometimes feel lost as a mommy.

I wonder if I have yet to find my shining purpose.  Maybe my purpose for now is to just find purpose in the mundane.  Help with the homework.  Fix meals.  Do the shopping.  Clean up the kitchen.  Get my kids to where they need to be.  Wash underwear.  Then wake up the next day and do it all again.

For me this is a daily struggle.  Am I alone?  Are you lost or found?  I guess I am somewhere in between.

Chocolate ruins lives

This year I have resolved to eat right and become a healthier person. Then my neighbor drops by to give me these:

I'm pretty sure it's a bad omen. And yes, I already ate five of them. 

Shiny side up

You wanna know something weird?

Too bad, I'm gonna tell you anyway.

I realized quite a while ago that most of the time I only write about the shiny side of life on this blog.  I actually have another blog that acts as my journal;   it's one that I can only access and contains my raw feelings, no matter what they are.  But this blog?  Most of the time, it only has the shiny side up.  But let me tell you:  life with Shipleys is not always shiny.  Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I were to just write whatever I want, any time I want.

That's scary.

It's hard to put yourself out there.  It's hard to write the truth all the time.  I can't even count the number of draft posts I have, just waiting to be published, but I am too scared to do it.  To talk about the un-shiny things (un-shiny:  not a real word).  But what am I really afraid of?  Judgement?  Rejection?  Hmmmm.  Something to ponder.

Maybe I'll try to write a little more truth in the future.  Maybe I'll stick my toe in the virtual pool and test the waters.  But in the meantime, life with the Shipleys marches on.

The pictures say it all...

I have happy things to talk about after yesterday's rant about the spiteful month of January.

I went on a cruise baby!

A CRUISE!

It was awesome.  Really.  I can't stress it enough how awesome it was.  It was warm, sunny, happy and just plain fun.  Go on...be jealous.

Here are a few of my favorite pics:

Chillin on the sun deck

Towel animals!  Yay!

Abby and her new penguin hat.  Because that's what she wanted from Catalina.  A penguin hat. (?)

Alex strikes a pose.

Mario Kart...Catalina style

Abby, Seth and Kade enjoying the beachiness.

Awwwww!

Catalina Island

All fancied up for Christmas Eve dinner.

La Bufadora, Ensenada

Me showing off my cool new bag I bought at the market in Mexico.  Notice my photo bomber and the sketchy pharmacy.

Best fish tacos EVER

The view from my cabin window

Nate showing off his abs in the pool

Eatin' lunch with Grandma.
This was a spectacular view from the back of the ship.

Life is sweet.  :)

p.s. I hate you.

Bleh.  Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh.

January.  I loathe you.  You are so loathed.  I loathest thou.  To loathe or not to loathe?  Hmm...I think I will loathe.  Are any of these usages of the word "loathe" correct?  Who cares?  Not me, because as far as the month of January goes, it can basically go to heck where it will be loathed for all eternity.

I'm not sorry.  I will not take any of it back.

I just came back from a downright awesome vacation where I spent 5 glorious days in the sun only to return to barren trees, polluted skies and black, crusty snow frozen to the streets.

Do I sound hateful and full of disgust?  Of course I do.  Because I am.  I am wondering if it would have been better for me if I had not tasted the sweetness of the sun because it only heightened my awareness of the stinking cold.

Someday I will move to a warm and sunny place and you will not have to read about my loathing.  But until then, I reserve the right to loathe this month with every fiber of my being.

Tomorrow I will have something happy to say.  Today I loathe.

Christina's World

Christina's World
by Andrew Wyeth

I love this painting.  So I thought I would share.  It reminds me of where I am and where I want to be.  There is a sense of hope about it that gives me comfort.  She's fallen down, but she looks forward with a sense of purpose.  I guess that's life.  Sometimes we run, sometimes we walk and sometimes we crawl.

verbal vomit

Welcome!  In this post you will find nothing earth-shattering or insightful but instead you will find that I simply regurgitated the contents of my life onto the page.  Verbal vomit, I like to call it. So read on and then you can consider yourself informed.

So I am sitting here at 5:11 am.  I know, it surprised me too.  But believe me, I didn't get up this early because I wanted to.  I just returned from taking Nate to the high school for swim practice.  He is on the team this year (which I think is so cool and I am so proud of him!) and he practices every morning at 5, has a class period every other day for swim, and then has after school practices.  That's three to four hours of swimming.  Every. Day.  Thinking about it makes me feel tired.  But the good news is that at least one person in our family is incredibly in shape!  Woo hoo!  The rest of us are a bunch of slugs, but whatever.  He has his first meet today and he is so nervous.  He looked like he wanted to throw up when I dropped him off at practice.  But I am excited to watch him compete for the first time.  He is an awesome kid.

Onward with my life!  Next up...Abby. What can I say.  Abby is...Abby.  She had her birthday the other day and the day was interesting, I guess you could call it.  She was sooooo excited.  We had a family party planned and when she wasn't running around the house screaming "I'M SIX!", she was asking me how many more minutes until her party that night.  Six hours is a looooong time when you have an hysterical six year old waiting to open her presents.

Here are a few Abby quotables from the day:

"Mom, I wonder what these presents are.  Do you think they are the ones that I ordered?"

"Mom, I want the party to start.  When are my people going to be here?"

"Thanks Aunt Amy for the dress.  But I wish I could get some more presents that are cooler."

.....sigh......

I guess this is normal for a six-year-old.  The combination of self-centeredness and the inability to control what they say is par for the course.  But it's horribly embarrassing!  And kinda funny too.

Here's a picture of the cutie to make up for her social faux pas:

Next up is my Seffers.  I love that kid!  He is 11 which happens to be one of my favorite kid ages.  Kids this age are funny and smart.  They haven't turned into teenage monsters yet, but you can have extremely intelligent, although somewhat odd conversations with them.  They still tell you about their day.  They still hug you when they come home from school (well, at least mine does).  I wish I had a recent picture to share, but for some reason I have been absolutely terrible about taking pictures lately.  I have a new camera, not to mention a GREAT camera on my phone, so there is no excuses for me.  I guess I will have to settle for a selfy he took the other day that I found on his iPod.  Don't tell him I did this because he would DIE.  But he is so funny!

Since I already told you about Nate's swim stuff we will move on to Alex. I don't know if I blogged about this already, but Alex had the opportunity to travel to New York last May with a really cool jazz band that he plays in called the Voodoo Orchestra.  They played in several places including Dizzy's Coca Cola jazz club and a little place called Carnegie Hall.  Yes, you read that correctly.  CARNEGIE HALL, PEOPLE!!!  

Here are some pictures to prove he was there :)

Three of the bands that are part of the Caleb Chapman Music group were able to perform their own night at this amazing venue.  The main band, who headlined the event, is called the Crescent Super Band.  Voodoo orchestra and La Onda Caribena both played 20 minute sets before Crescent came on and played for about an hour.  Unfortunately, Shawn and I weren't able to go on the tour with him. We were able to save up enough for Alex to go, but it was too much to pay for all three of us.  But that's ok!  I am just so glad that he was able to go.  All of these bands are part of an organization called Caleb Chapman Music down in American Fork, Utah.  They have 15 different bands made up completely of Junior High and High school kids.  And they are really, really good!  Alex is so lucky and blessed and totally excited that he got the chance to be part of it last year and go on that amazing tour.  He auditioned this year for Voodoo and is able to be part of it again for another year.  I can't tell you how much this group has helped this kid.  He has learned so much;  not just about music, but about how be good at life in general.  Words cannot even express how proud I am of his accomplishments.  If you're interested, here is a link to a review of the concert that was posted in the New York Concert review:  http://www.nyconcertreview.com/blog/?p=2360

As you can see, life stays interesting here at the Shipley house.  We are running every which way as fast as we can and sometimes, honestly, it gets a little out of control, but we have much to be grateful for.  We have trials and problems like everyone else, but for the moment, life with the Shipleys is pretty sweet.

Growing up is optional

My eldest child turned 17 last week.  I have mixed feelings about this birthday.  On one hand, I am excited for him;  he is just starting his life and has so many opportunities ahead of him.  Yet I am scared for him too.  He has so much to learn and I know he will have trials that I can no longer shield him from.  It's a weird feeling.  This birthday has also been a unwelcome reminder of my advancing age.  Here is my official list entitled "20 signs that you are approaching middle age":

1.  You realize you have known your spouse for more than half your life.
2.  When you get together with your friends, you realize that you enjoy discussing your various physical ailments.
3.  Your idea of a good time is staying at home watching Netflix in your pajamas.
4.  "Dressing up" means putting on a bra.
5.  You stop telling people that you are going to "grow old gracefully".
6.  You dye your hair because you have to, not because you want to.
7.  You actually have a strategic plan for how you are going to someday grow out your gray hair and stop coloring it.  I'm serious.
8.  You are happy to be done having kids, but start to realize you are going to miss some things about having babies.
9.  You realize that you are never again going to plan a first-birthday party.
10.  You begin to dream about future grandchildren and start saving toys "just in case". (see number 8).
11.  You wake up from that dream in a cold sweat.
12.  You try to go back to sleep, grateful that you are finally at a time in your life when you get a chance to sleep through the night, but your traitorous body doesn't let you.
13.  The reasons your body doesn't let you sleep at night are sometimes the same reasons why it won't move the next morning.
14.  You understood the previous statement without having to think about it.
15.  Your youngest child is a brat, but you really couldn't care less.
16.  People start to think you are learning to be patient, but...(see number 15).
17.  Sitting on the floor is NEVER a good idea.
18.  In fact, even getting up from the floor after sitting for longer than, oh, ten minutes usually results in cramped leg muscles, sore hips and an arthritic hobble across the room.  This is usually followed by one of your teenagers mocking you.
19.  Speaking of teenagers, you don't understand half of what they are talking about and you have had conversations where they explain to you what "hashtag" means.
20.  The fact that you even HAVE teenagers is proof enough.

Happy birthday Alex!  :)